Post To End All Posts

This post has spent a lot of time being concocted in my head.  How do you say goodbye to the world?  Originally, my goal was to make fun of Mark and Don.  Somewhere along the way, I got lost.  Fortunately, Will gave me a compass.  I've decided that this blog has run its course and found itself in a cul-de-sac on the wrong end of a one-way street.  There are many other people that are more witty than I, more emo than I and some even that are both.  So I leave you in good hands.  Plus, I don't have time to stay on top enough to update.  Also, I'm bored.

In closing, I give you this:

Recipe

I really like NinjaDon's recipe and I decided to post one of my own recipes:

Victory Cake (Serves 1):

1 c. tranquillo
1 tbp. gusto
2 bunches of courage
1 well-seasoned teammate

Mix all the ingredients in a large mixing bowl or (Cat3) Cup (race). Beat (everyone else) into a smooth, pasty batter. Pour (some sugar on me) into a 40cm X 4m glass baking dish and and bake at 0°C.

--

I raced twice yesterday. Maybe once-and-a-half is more accurate. I am dumbfounded at the result I got at Medford. Without solid form (I think) and not having been on the road bike in a week, I have no idea how that happened. All I can do is look at Todd and assume he did an absolutely incredible job of discouraging chases and covering moves. Not to mention him putting me into position with one to go. So, in all honesty, this is really Todd's result.

Caffeine + HFCS = teh Sux0rs

note: I had not yet had a chance to read wcuk before posting this . . . what appropriate timing.

The latter half of Monday was one of the most unbearable stretches of work I've yet experienced. It was only partially due to what was going on at work.

As soon as I got home, I put a potato in the oven and went to sleep. I woke up about thirty seconds before the timer went off. I ate, then went back to sleep. Around 8:30pm, I got in bed . . . it was still a bit light out. It's now 3:50am and I've been folding clothes, watching BloombergTV and reading for the past hour or so.

Why? Because caffeine + high-fructose corn syrup = grumpus-wumpus. The effects of Caffeine and other methylated xanthines are[1] well-documented[2]. The jury is still[3] out[4] on the full effects of High-Fructose Corn Syrup. You can pick and choose your studies all you want -- I know how the one-two combo of caffeine and HFCS makes me feel at the end of the day.

One little note: whenever a discussion of HFCS comes up, there is always someone saying that HFCS is just 55 percent fructose and 45 percent glucose . . . nearly identical to the 50/50 split that composes table sugar. This is not entirely true. Table sugar is actually sucrose, which is an entity completely separate from its constituent parts, fructose and glucose, due to dehydration synthesis/glycosidic linkage. Thus, sucrose requires hydrolysis in the body to become 50:50 fructose:glucose (I believe amylase catalyzes the reaction). Chemistry lesson over.

Starting Now, I'm Starting Over

Tick-tock, you're not a clock,
You're a time bomb

Altoona is over.  Out of nowhere, I was able to go uphill fast.  Also out of nowhere, I've got motivation for the rest of the season.  Cyclocross is coming soon, but before it starts, I'm going to bag at least one more win.  I'm looking specifically at the NJ State Criterium Championships.  Yeah, I'm looking at you.  Bring the bomb squad because I'm gonna blow it to pieces.

Stage 20 Pick

Well I'm going to get this one in on time. Turns out Levi was a good pick. That should move me up in the standings. It is going to come down to the final picks for Sunday.

Who: Thor Hushovd
Why: He's been quiet, too quiet, since his win way back in Stage 3 or 4 or whenever it was he won. He won on the Champs-Élysées last year and I'm hoping he'll have finally recovered from all the mountain (dumb) stages to bag one for me on the final day. I'm a bit worried that a "spectacular protest" may throw a wrench into things. That would be pretty sweet, though.

Stage 19 Pick

Once again, I'm late in posting this. For Stages 18, 19, and 20, all my picks were made Thursday afternoon. Plus, I haven't read the results of the TT yet.

Who: Levi Leipheimer
Why: As demonstrated in the ToC, he can time-trial fairly well. He's in a good position for the overall so will be quite motivated.

Altoona - Pre-Race

Despite heavy traffic leaving NJ and a huge delay once on I-80, I was able to make it to my hotel, the EconoLodge, in Altoona by 10:30PM. I forget where we stayed last year but it was far, far worse than the EconoLodge, and probably more expensive.

I settled in and started to relax a bit. My race wasn't until 11:35AM on Friday so I didn't have to worry about getting to bed early. So I flipped on the telly and found that Taxicab Confessions was playing on HBO. That was incredibly entertaining. Due to the PG-13 rating of this blog, I can't summarize any of the show for you.

Got to bed around midnight and woke up at 8:15AM. Quick shower, checkout, some breakfast at DD (not DnD . . . which is Dungeons and Dragons . . . Dunkin' Donuts is DD) and I was off to Martinsburg for a 38 mile circuit race.

One of the more exciting things about Altoona is that all the amateurs use all the same parking lots, facilities, etc. as the pros do. I saw Mandy Lozano and she cut me down for not having upgraded to Cat2 yet. Walked out of the bathroom (real ones, not Port-a-Potties) and bumped into Scott Moninger. the most successful active racer in North America. He is about 43 years old, has about 2% body fat and his legs are jacked. He's got longevity, for sure, but I'll leave its legitimacy for you to decide.

I haven't been this nervous pre-race in a long, long time. I think I put a bit too much emphasis on this weekend and thus a bit too much pressure on myself. But once we got rolling, it was fine. Race report to follow (maybe).

Stage 18 Pick

Please excuse my tardiness in posting this. Working out the logistics of Altoona has forced me to take some time away from the blogosphere temporarily (more on Altoona later). Did you miss me? DIdn't think so.

Who: Tom Boonen
Why: Well he's the strongest guy left. That's all there is to it. However, given that I'm posting this after knowing already the results of the stage, I have to say it should have been quite obvious given yesterday's stage that a break would stay away. Oh well.

Stage 17 Pick

Wow! The Tour has more drama than The OC, drunk sorority girls and a TNT primetime lineup combined! Stage 17 is a sprinter's stage . . . I really don't think a break will last especially with all but one of the categorized climbs over by the first third of the stage.

Who: Erik Zabel
Why: He's been there and thereabouts for almost every sprint stage. I think he will have gotten through the mountains with less effort than Boonen and the other Big Guns. Finally, back to the exciting stages!

Weird Dream

Last night I had a dream that I was at Altoona already. It must have been Sunday . . . I was wearing some type of leader's jersey but I don't think it was for the overall. George Hincapie high-fived me. He must have crashed out of the Tour and taken a direct flight back over to the US just to watch me race. I talked to Adam Myerson (who, incidentally, is the lanterne rouge after Stage 1, the TTT) and he seemed to need to borrow one of my wheels. Then he asked me if I had a coach and, when I responded in the negative, he said, "We should talk about that." For some reason I thought I was supposed to be racing in the P/1/2 race . . . maybe because upgrading to Cat2 has been on my mind lately . . . but in the preparations, I missed 1) making any Cytomax for the race and 2) the start of the Cat3 race. I was reduced to tears, as I recall.

Dreams are weird, man.

Stage 16 Pick

Vino. Hah. Vino. (and by Vino, of course, I mean wine).

Who: Iban Mayo
Why: He's a Spaniard and they're going through Spain today. The Col d'Aubisque is somewhat near the Spanish border and is also a pretty long and steady climb, favoring old man strength versus the short and steep climbs that require youthful explosiveness. The only thing that concerns me is that, in light of the Vino news (again, wine, of course), there could be a big protest. However, given the tight race between Contador (definitely a doper) and Rasmussen (double-definitely a doper), a protest-neutralized stage is unlikely.

Stage 15 Pick

Well, I think this is kind of a crapshoot. The GC contenders should be exhausted an beat from Stage 14 (but with the drugs these days, you can be superman two days in a row), so I'm thinking an early break should be given a massive advantage. Thus, it favors a decent climber that is way down on GC.

Who: Manuel "Tricky" Beltran
Why: He can go uphill pretty fast as he demonstrated many times in the service of LA. Riding for Liquigas, they won't have much more to hope for other than another stage win or two. Tomorrow will be intereseting.

Stage 14 Pick

Hmmm, if Klödi hadn't fallen, maybe he could've even gotten 2nd. I guess Vino is back, too.

Who: Michael Rasmussen
Why: Duh

Stage 13 Pick

Well that Cat2 climb didn't sort out the sprinters like I expected. Dang. I need points tomorrow since they're catching up on me.

Who: Andreas Klöden
Why: Look at his performance in the prologue. I can't pick Cancellara or Millar (they're taken). My only concern is that Vino will ask him to save something for the following two stages.

Hate

Interns suck.

Stage 12 Pick

Who: Filippo Pozzatto
Why: He said he was going to win Stage 12. I believe him.

What Counts

I am almost always in complete agreement with PezCyclingNews's Toolbox articles and I always find myself thinking as I read them at work (on coffee break, of course) that I should post about them. Inevitably I forget and a week goes by . . . by the time I remember, it's time for a new Toolbox.

This week's Toolbox is no exception. Read the four (plus the five 'others') ingredients carefully. Aerobic Capacity, Strength, Economy and Anaerobic Energy System. I have observed many a cyclist that seem to key only on Anaerobic Energy to the great detriment of the other three ingredients. And these aren't just willy-nilly riders. Some of them have coaches who prescribe this kind of program. They end up playing a numbers game that, to me, is a bit "instant gratification" and not necessarily prudent or desirable in the long term. I'm not picking specifically on coached riders, but on those that use a system (coach-defined or not) that involves a lot of go-hard to develop the Threshold/Anaerobic/Lactate/Etc system(s).

I am a huge proponent of the long ride. Not quite long steady distance (LSD) but close. The long ride does amazing things for your Aerobic Capacity and your Economy. When it comes to racing, I personally think that Economy is of the utmost importance. You don't have to be the strongest in the race. You just have to have the most energy left when it counts (i.e. when the winning break goes, on that final climb, or, as is most often the case for me, in the sprint). Improving Aerobic Capacity and Economy allow you to come to the line with more reserves than those around you.

I have found that a combination of long rides and consistent riding (six days per week on the bike, even the Monday Night Recovery Ride counts) give the biggest improvements in Aerobic Capacity and Economy and that is what I attribute most of the (admittedly limited in time and discipline) success on the bike.

Stage 11 Pick

Hmmm, on my long list for Stage 10 were both Sandy Casar as well as Cedric Vasseur. I should've thought to include Jens Voigt, obviously, but in the end, it didn't matter. Stage 11 should be a more straightforward small break + late catch + normal sprint.

Who: Fred Rodriguez
Why: McEwen is out and Rodriguez has been given the go-ahead to play his own card. He won't ever be much help to Cadel Evans except for tempo riding but they're not in that position, yet. A messy sprint could favor him although he has been known to be a pansyass when it comes to riders crossing lines and wheels. We'll see.

Stage 10 Pick

This is another tough one to pick. Will Quickstep and Milram keep things in check? My guess is no. I'm betting on a small break staying away with a couple Cat3 and Cat4 climbs.

Who: Philippe Gilbert
Why: He's way down on GC, a Belgian one-day classic kind of rider, and riding for FDJ, whose best-placed GC man is in 69th place, a whopping 35'39" down (after Stage 8), one place below Erik Zabel . . . ZABEL! I've got my fingers crossed.

Stage 9 Pick

Well this is a tough one to pick. You've got some massively long and steep climbs but then a 38k descent to the finish. So you've gotta go with someone that can climb, can descend and can sprint. But do you go with a lesser name? Someone that wants just a single day of glory? Like I said, tough. Contador is taken, but otherwise I think he'd be a good pick.

Who: Alejandro Valverde
Why: Well, he can climb and he can sprint. He'll be in the "contenders" group. He won L-B-L so when he gets to the line with all those petite climbers, he should be able to outkick them (kind of like the asshat move he pulled on Cristophe Moreau in Stage 8).

Owasco -- teh Suck

What is stupider than mountain biking?

Time-trialing.

Owasco started off with a 12.5ish mile TT. I rode complete and utter Merckx-style (i.e. sans aero of any sort) and still beat at least 20 d-bags with cash to burn (30'03"). Losers. But I sunburned my hands since I wasn't wearing gloves.

We sat around until the criterium. I spent some of that time sleeping on the concrete sidewalk outside the Auburn Wegmans. It was a really, really dumb criterium. I have no idea how I ended up with position going into the final turn (less than 100m from the uphill finish to the line -- yeah, like I said, really, really dumb) and pulled off 2nd after yet another d-bag (true story, ask Mark) from MIT pulled a cheeky move and chopped everyone to the inside.

The road race, despite being the worst ever, was awesome. I picked up some more bonus time (like that was going to help me, 2'30" down) in the first sprint. I came unhitched on the first KOM climb, a 1.2 mile 7% deal. I was in the third group over . . . the seven of us chasing back (ok, so honestly it was me and two Van Dessels chasing back, the rest were teh suxors) for 20 minutes. As soon as we got back on to the leaders, my back tire picked up a sweet sharp stone and went flat. Got a wheel change, chased back with two others (even more useless and lame than the non-Van Dessels in the first chase) with a bit of help from the wheel and follow car for another 20 minutes. Hung on for about 30 more minutes and then went *POP* on a section that looked like it came from a saltbox roof. Oh well. At least I chased back on twice.

P.S. I didn't finish.

P.P.S. Todd needs to go to man school.

P.P.P.S. Mark needs to go to potty training.

Stage 8 Pick

Who: Levi Leipheimer
Why: The second real Alpine stage *should* give some sorting-out to the GC standings. However, some of them may want to wait until the Pyrénées to make their moves (this is a mistake, in my opinion). Levi is going fairly well, following somewhat in the footsteps of Landis in preparation for the Tour. We'll see if any of the GC men have what it takes.

Stage 7 Pick

Haven’t seen the end of Stage 6 yet. Hoping Boonen podiums, at least.

Who: Frank Schleck
Why: CSC has indicated that he, along with Sastre, is their GC hopeful. I don’t think tomorrow will really sort out much of the GC but I think the stage will suit Schleck . . . much like the stage to Alpe d’Huez that he won last year. Plus, Luxembourg is nearly French, so he’s almost riding for Bastille Day glory. In hindsight, this is probably a bad pick because you KNOW a Frenchman will buy his way into the win tomorrow.

Stage 6 Pick

Hincapie placed 6th. Not bad, not bad. Stage 6 is another pure sprinter's stage.

Who: Tom Boonen
Why: He needs to do the Green Jersey honor and win a stage outright. His opportunities are becoming fewer and fewer. My only worry is that tomorrow will be a very easy stage and, in general, Boonen sprints well at the end of a hard stage when everyone else is tired.

Sicko, Part II

It seems that my semi-annual throat virus turned up last week and stuck with me through today. The sore throat has moved south and has become a hackish cough. Based on past experience, I can look forward to the cough for about a week or two.

Looks like I'll be taking it easy in Owasco this weekend and hoping my chest is clear for Altoona.

In general, I avoid riding whenever I'm sick below the neck but I don't think there's actually any sickness left, it's just residual. Off to the hills go I . . .

Stage 5 Pick

What a hectic finish for Stage 4. Glad for Hushovd to get on the top step for the first time this year. Also glad my pick, Oscar Freire, got a podium spot. Good on Robbie Hunter for his consistency. Now, back to business:

Who: George Hincapie
Why: The stage has 8 categorized climbs (4xCat4 3xCat3 1xCat2), very nearly assuring a break will stay away. CSC looks ripe to hand off the jersey after doing a lot of tempo work (unnecessarily, in my opinion) early in the week. Hincapie is a man for the classics-type stages and Bruyneel has shown time and again that, without Armstrong, he's about as effective as a chicken with its head cut off when trying to organize a GC-centric team. Look for Hincapie to be part of a 10+ man breakaway and unleash his halfway-decent sprint in the finish.

Stage 4 Pick

Whoa. Cancellara. More impressive than McEwen's Stage 1 win. Seriously. Stuff of champions.

Who: Oscar Freire
Why: Four Cat 4 climbs over 193km means the sprinters will have to do a bit more work than they like to. Freire, being a rather cheeky rider, is well-suited to this type of stage. It's somewhat reminiscent of Milano-San Remo, which Freire of course won this year. The only problem is that he'll have to do it himself since they've got the team dedicated to Menchov (minus Rasmussen who is allowed to do his own Chicken Pox thing).

Sicko

I've been feeling a bit sick for about a week. It's nothing major, mostly just a sore throat and achy joints. I could feel it in the beginning of my ride last Friday and I've decided to take it easy (read: no riding) until I'm fully back to 100%. If that means no riding until Owasco, well, that's fine with me. So long as I'm fresh and ready for Altoona, I'll be happy.

I've found that training while you're sick is, at best, ineffective. You can easily cause more harm than good so it's best not to push it when your body isn't up to it. Would you run your car without any oil in the engine?

Stage 3 Pick

Edit: I wrote this post last night and it looked like it posted but when I checked on Tuesday afternoon, it wasn't showing up.

My post on the Stage 2 Pick was a bit prophetic. Should've stuck to my guns. Steegmans is impressive . . . remember that stage in the Tour of Qatar when he basically had to soft pedal the last 50m to allow Boonen to come around him?

Who: Tom Boonen
Why: It's a long stage, the longest of the Tour. After 239.5km and in the north of France, Boonen will feel just like he did at E3 Prijs and Dwars door Vlaanderen . . . good. It's basically a semi-classic and that is right up his alley.

GC, Points and Mountain Picks

I forgot to put my General, Points and Mountain Classification picks in:

Yellow-
Who: Denis Menchov
Why: He has a solid team to support him (minus Oscar Freire . . . I doubt he'll make it to the end of the first week), though he's not much of a support rider anyways. He can climb and time trial and finished 6th last year. He won the Maillot Blanc in 2003. And I think Vinokourov will get tossed somewhere in the second week for a failed doping test.

Green-
Who: Robbie McEwen
Why: There are plenty of fast men to choose from but I don't think any are as consistent as McEwen. He has the ability to get over the smaller climbs that many of the other big sprinters can't (Boonen, Hushovd, etc). He's won it already in 2002, 2004 and 2006. He's got a great team that is dedicated to getting him stage wins (despite what they may say about Cadel Evans being their team leader).

Polka Dot-
Who: Michael Rasmussen
Why: He weighs about as much as a butterfly. He ran away with it last year and the year before, plus he'll be expected to be in the front group in any mountain stage to help out Menchov.

Stage 2 Pick

So now I'm back on top of my game for picks, let me review the results so far.

David Millar for the Prologue . . . turns out not to have been such a great pick. I guess his lack of drugs makes him go slow.

Tom Boonen for Stage 1 . . . decent pick, he got 3rd. McEwen pulled a rabbit out of his hat to come up with the win and you can't fight magic.

For Stage 2, my pick was also made before the Prologue, so don't accuse me of being a fair weather fan. It may have been better to switch my Stage 1 and Stage 2 picks:

Who: Robbie McEwen
Why: As the finish on Stage 1 demonstrated, the Scarlet Pimpernel always seems to remove his cloak at the last possible moment and steal victory away. The finish in Belgium would seem to benefit Boonen, but remember that McEwen also has a home there, so that may give him that extra bit of motivation.

Stage 1 Pick

I'm a day late. Oh well, I was too busy packing things up on Sunday morning to give my pick for Sunday. Here it is anyways:

Who: Tom Boonen
Why: He has the opportunity to wear yellow into Belgium, his home country and because he is really, really fast.

(This pick was made before the prologue. After the prologue was wrapped up, it was impossible for Boonen to wear yellow unless Cancellara had some sort of disaster and didn't get same time as the field)

Pittsburgh - Punxsutawney Ride

Link to the route is here.

Details to follow . . .

Prologue Pick

Well, the Prologue of the Tour 2007 is already underway so my pick may be a bit unfair, but just know this was my pick starting many days ago.

Who: David Millar
Why: He's a Brit and a TT specialist, a solid combo for a London Prologue.

Short Vacation

Heading to Western Pennsylvania for a few days for some family gatherings, good food and some hilly long rides.

Race report from the USBHoF 4th of July race to follow sooner or later (sooner if my sister brought her Macbook).

Hey, It Happens

This is the best piece of Cyclingnews.com journalism ever. (Let it load the whole way before trying to watch)

Wii Played Wii

Mark, Will, Aaron and I shot each other in the face with guns and grenades for about six hours tonight. Good times were had by all.

Dinoboy rules. Tuna Cutter droolz.

TheJenksster and CapnChaz's Ridiculous Ride

Yesterday CapnChaz and I headed up north to hit some hills . . . I hit the first one hard and was pretty much cooked after that. Oh well.

CapnChaz was looking for some stupid-steep climb he found on this map, including elevation changes, of NJ. We thought we found the right road but apparently we were wrong and just as it started to POUR down rain, we found ourselves descending a gravel road . . . nice! I started to feel like a mountain biker (uh oh).

We got all turned around and decided just to head back home (we were in Long Hill at this point, wayyyy north of Highland Park). We got mildly lost and ended up next to Basking Ridge Country Club. After checking with some passing motorists and Google maps via my phone, we headed back on our way, but not before I went completely head over my bars trying to get on the road from the grass. Feeling more and more like a mountain biker, I suppose. Ouch.

The monsoon began to fade away but we were already soaked through and planned to ride until we saw some roads we recognized. We somehow ended up at King George and made the rather lucky decision to turn right. The rest, as they say, is history.

We left at 6PM and got home at about 8:50PM. It was deserving of its title: Death March Through the Watchung Hills.

The Format

Dear Olivia,

Here is the weekly non-cycling post. I wanted to let you know that The Format is giving away digital downloads of their one year old CD Dog Problems through their website. All you have to do is click on one of the many "here" links on the site, then enter your email address. It subscribes you to their mailing list which you can then unsubscribe from at any time. You should then be able to download the full CD.

The promotion began on Monday, about a week and a half after I bought the CD. But it was worth it! It's got a great carnival-ish theme to it. I first heard of them via the independent Rochester radio station, 90.5 WBER, The Only Station That Matters.

Love,
Mike

Cycling.tv

I just fired up Internet Explorer today for the first time in months so I could watch the reporter decide not to report on Paris Hilton and try (unsuccessfully) to set fire to her script and ultimately shredding it. Since I only ever use IE to watch Cycling.tv, I've got it set as my homepage and was quite dismayed with what I was presented.

They began to implement a new interface this season but I just saw it for the first time today. I used to advocate a lot for buying the Premium subscription since:

1. It is only $40 and I consider that a just fee
   
2. It shows support and demand for televised coverage of cycling events in the USA
   
3. Anthony McCrossen is almost as funny as Phil Liggett. Almost.
   
4. Where else will I get sweet highlights?

However, this new interface sucks ass. It keeps losing my login and I'm not sure why I can't watch the Now Playing through Premium like I used to. All in all, it's crap. Can anyone explain the reasoning behind moving to this new format? Didn't think so.

Aych-Ee-Double-Hockey-Sticks

It is SO hot. And humid. It was like that yesterday, too. I rode tempo to Rahway, we got there way early. I dropped my bottle of Cytomax. I didn't finish. SO hot. And humid.

No riding today because it is hot as hell.

Without a training ride to do, I feel like I have so much time to do things that I otherwise can't do. Like grocery shopping. Or watching a movie. Or putting away my folded laundry and ironing my shirts (too hot for that, though). How much of this have I gotten done in the hour and a half I've been home? Yeah, none.

I've decided that one win in a season doesn't cut it so unless I've specifically decided or been told to work for someone else, I'm going to stop treating non-priority races like I treat Rahway. That is to say, I won't be doing much Jenksster-style attack-all-the-time-just-to-see-the-looks-of-pain-on-everyone-else's-face kind of racing. Yeah, that kind. I think one of these races (4th of July?), I will sit in the WHOLE race and see how much easier that makes the sprint.

Raaaaaaaaachester - The Race

So the actual race:

Have a look on the website for course description, etc. Its a six or seven or eight turn beast with quite a decent rise out of the last few corners into a false flat finish. After a while, you lose count of how many corners there are.

From years past, I've learned that of all races, this one absolutely demands you be at the front all the time. When you squeeze 100 sketchball 3s and 4s onto narrow streets and alleys, people get popped like mad. There's a staging area on the back of the course and we roll to the start/finish about five minutes before the start. The instructions included the request to "parade, at 10 mph, wave to the crowd" so as to make them feel a part of it. These instructions were most definitely NOT followed. People basically went full gas to get to the start line . . . so dumb.

At least I knew the course fairly well so knew to be on the outside through most of the turns. It took a few laps to move up to the front, I took about a 2 lap flyer off the front then shut down the usual Jenksster-style stupid racing and sat in for the final 10 laps or so. There were multiple nasty crashes, I stayed upright the whole time, though came close to losing my front wheel on the white painted stripes once.

The last lap was sketchy, as expected. I had decent but not great position, maybe top 10 going into the tight and technical portion when I got nudged out and came within centimeters of hitting hay bales. I lost about 10 spots and could only make up a few in the finish that was absolutely tailor-made for me . . . managed to come around about ten guys through the finishing straight for a 7th place finish. Not a great result, but encouraging due to the powerful burst I put in to come around so many in the finish.

We quickly packed up and went home to shower and then headed back for the pro race. I stopped by the prize tent to pick up my quite generous $55 winnings and promptly gave half of that away for the crowd prime for the pro race (it was a $1300 prime!!). The pro race was sweet . . . though we pretty much missed the *real* race part, when a break of six, including Navigators' Kyle Wamsley and defending champion Hilton Clarke went away within the first fifteen minutes. Still, they were flying even when the break lapped the field. Whitey hung in there, looking really strong the whole time and may have even finished in the money (Top 25). I screamed at him and Myerson, though not as hard as I scream at karaoke.

They rung the bell for the field with three to go and we saw a pretty decent sprint and then, with two to go and the breakmates all on their own, it was pretty obvious who was going to win. Hilton Clarke crossed the line arms raised with at least a bike-length and a half for his second win in as many years at Rochester.

In the write-up in the paper the following day, all the pros that were interviewed had nothing but great things to say about the course, the promotion and the 30,000+ crowd. All in all, a great race full of awesomeness.

Raaaaaaaaachester - The Experience

Please note that if you are looking for race details, they'll be included in a separate post. For now, this post will capture all the awesomeness that was non-racing of my weekend in Rochester.

The race wasn't until 6pm so I had a lot of time to kill.

The day started off great with a solid breakfast of bagels and cream cheese with my mom and sister. We spent the late morning watching a few episodes of The Wonder Years. Man what a great program.

Early in the afternoon, we decided to go shopping at Mentality in the Village of Pittsford. Mentality is the place to shop for designer men's clothing in all of New York (outside of Manhattan). It was a little chilly in Rochester this weekend so I wanted to pick up something with long sleeves, either a Spring jacket (hopefully on sale since it is out of season) or a hoodie of some sort (same, although hoodies are never really out of season). I ended up finding a sweet reversible and oh-so-comfy zip up hoodie. The denim bar at Mentality is definitely its main attraction. Citizens of Humanity, Seven for all Mankind, Paper Denim & Cloth, Juicy Couture, Rock and Republic, True Religion . . . you name it, they have it. I probably tried on eight pairs of jeans . . . I was looking for a very light wash and found the perfect pair in a semi-destroyed pair of Paper Denims, unfortunately they only had them in 31 and I just couldn't bring myself to buy such a loose pair of jeans . . . which brings me to a pair of Rock and Republic jeans I tried on. Now, much has been made of my massive quads (mostly by myself, but who's counting?) but this was honestly ridiculous. The waist of the jeans was fine, or would have been fine, if I had been able to get them high enough to get them around my waist. As we all know, tight jeans are important and give you the must super of superhuman powers, but this was beyond anything that was called for. Anyways, I ended up settling on a single pair of Kasils, my first ever pair of dark jeans, that I was on the fence about until I just slightly folded the cuff up and decided they were awesome.

So, having bought an awesome new pair of tight jeans, I was looking good as far as the necessary pre-race prep (i.e. I had a sweet pair of tight, not the tightest but still tight, jeans going into an important race). I got down to the course quite early, had a chat with Matty White of Fiordifrutta, did some real honest-to-goodness warming up (I hate warming up) and then did my thing (see The Race post).

After the Pro race, I took the family home and met up with a old friend from high school at her apartment on East Ave (a really nice, artsy, collegial and happening area of town) to catch up. We ended up going to The Old Toad, a place I've been only twice before. I have to rate it as the best pub in Rochester and maybe the best bar in Rochester, period. Read the RocWiki entry for some details on the staff. Around 1am, as I was ordering some more pints, a guy on the corner of the bar started talking to us, asking us where we're from. When we told him we grew up in Rochester, he belts out "Raaaaaaaaaaaachester" in a deep, throaty, rumbling kind of way, imitating yet somewhat exaggerating the awful nasal Rochestarian accent. Turns out he was from England, Portsmouth, actually (or, as he said, "Por-muf") and was one of the staff though not working that night. The combination of:

1. Him being hammered
2. Us doing our best Rochester accents
3. Also us trying to do our best British accents . . .
4. . . . which then morphed into Aussie/Kiwi accents

All resulted in him ordering shot after shot after pint after pint for us (no charge) and Good Times Were Had By All. And so ended an incredible day of food, shopping, racing and drinking.

Anticipation

Rochester is Saturday at 6pm. It's my #2 priority of the year. My legs feel jumpy.

It's on.

Jumps

I did jumps today. I planned on doing ten but only did five or six. Why? Well on two occasions, I ripped my foot out of my pedal. I'm not sure how I stayed upright but I did somehow.

I did, however, set a new max output by nearly 150 watts, which leads me to believe that the PowerTap is reading things on the high side. Or maybe not. Who knows?

--

Dear Olivia,

This section is for you. It doesn't contain training, racing, or anything cycling-related. When you get back, we (and by we, I mean the three of us, because CapnChaz can beat me up) should go to some openings in New York. Maybe you could point us to one with some less expensive items, maybe starting around $50-$100? Sweet! Art is cool.

Tired, So Tired

Ronde van Mullica was awesome! We had a five-car caravan heading down there and the course is great (it's flat, very flat, mostly). The best part about the 3/4 race was that people were civilized at the start. There wasn't any of that go hard, go hard, go hard right off the bat (we had 47 miles still to cover) and it was quite a gentlemanly pace with some light conversation and good laughs.

After about five or six minutes, I went to the front to set tempo. Mostly, it was to warm up but it was also to discourage attacks and give Mark an armchair ride. For about ten or twelve minutes, I sat on the front, spinning the cranks, well within my limit, not burning matches. It wasn't a blistering pace, but it was fast enough that it was single file for six or so guys until the arrowhead formed. That was soooo awesome and encouraging to see.

Despite the not-so-great result we produced, I had a great time. I did have a momentary lapse in concentration and allowed a five-man break to get too much time on us before getting back on the front to ride tempo and keep it reasonable, but I suppose I can't be controlling the race the entire time . . . just most of the time. Since I didn't have to worry about saving my energy for the sprint (other than to lead Mark out) and every serious attack I'd make would get an immediate response, I took a lot of pleasure in simply controlling the front by riding just fast enough to discourage any further break attempts. So much fun.

The P/1/2/3 went off as predicted: a large break (really almost half the field, including all the big guns) went at about four miles in. I saw it, knew it was THE move and said to myself, "No way." The second race was purely for training purposes to get the mileage up. I ended up pulling the plug after the fourth lap (of six) since my knee started to bother me and I was getting quite tired.

All in all, a GREAT day of racing. I'm really looking forward to Rocky Hill as another opportunity to work for someone else and control the race as it should be!

De Ronde

Ronde van Mullica is tomorrow. It's exceedingly flat. I love that. However, I find myself not really caring about my performance. I'm already quite focused on Rochester next weekend. I have this week all planned out and, as long as work cooperates, I think I'll be going really, really strong next Saturday.

If I can last to the 115th or whatever mile it is for combining the 3/4 and the P/1/2/3, I'd like to mix it up in the sprint tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. It'll be like my own personal little Philly. Minus 40 miles. Minus Lemon Hill. Minus EuroPros. Minus Manayunk. So nothing like Philly.

The Fourth of July weekend and day off (Wednesday) will mark that last of my long-ish rides for the season (I think) and I'll start getting in gear for the last third or so of the season, focusing mainly on Altoona but also hoping for good form at the NJ Crit Champs and a good Labor Day showing. Then it's a bit of relaxing for a week or two before showing up AngryMark and CapnChaz on the 'cross scene. Muddy buddies beware . . .

On The Subject of Music

I recently rediscovered the awesomeness that is "the only station that matters, 90.5 WBER" and have been listening to it at work. The station is a school- and community-supported effort that has been broadcasting to the elitist music snobs of the Greater Rochester Area since 1985. It's completely independent of all the ClearChannel/CBS craptastic stations you find dominating the radio. They play one of the most eclectic mixes of songs I've ever come across. You'll start off listening to soft indie pining, then get slammed with some screamo only to be followed up by some electronica/techno. The song sequence is almost as entertaining as the songs themselves. Their webpage is rather uninformative but you can access the streaming broadcast through it. I also permanently have the yes.com playlist for WBER open. Only problem is that they play some really off-the-wall stuff and the playlist can only recognize 2/3rds of the stuff, at most.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Chris Kiehne, my recently wedded friend Koops' cousin, who has a few CDs and random tracks of his own. Check out his myspace page to get a sampling of his style.

--

I rode my velocipede today and it was awful. I did some really fun and hard intervals yesterday with Todd and really felt it today. Plus I've lacked a bit of sleep recently . . . and by posting this, I'm depriving myself of even more much-needed rest. Oh well.

Yesterday after Todd went home, I very nearly got crashed by an inconsiderate and completely oblivious asshole on the road going across the canal at first bridge (is that Van Cleef?). The asshole wasn't behind the wheel of a car, wasn't jogging along the side of the road, nay, the asshole wasn't even human! Some bird decided to swoop down out of the trees right in front of me and as I flailed about trying to ward it off, I almost ate it. Stupid birds.

Jeans

Jeans are a very important thing, maybe even the most important thing.

First off, they are probably going to end up being the most comfortable article of clothing that you can acceptably wear in public. In this regard, it is important for jeans to break in quickly. I've bought a few pair over the years that are still stiff and crinkly after three months of solid wash and wear. That is poor jean performance. Be careful, however, when buying jeans that already feel like you've owned them for a year or so. They'll get "overbroken" and start to sag around the ankles and get wrinkles (or what women like to call age lines). What you should look for in level of break-in-ability is a firm yet supple denim that allows movement but at the same time holds all your parts together in the right ways.

Second off, jeans say many things about their wearer. However, not everything about the jeans speak at the same volume. Whispering quietly are the belt loops, bare loops tell tales of spontaneity and excitement while loops wrapped around a leather belt speak of consistency and tradition. On women's jeans, should the belt loops have the distinction of containing a necktie (coordinated to match the rest of the outfit, of course) or a scarf, listen closely because if you turn your head just right, you just might hear a touch of class and elegance juxtaposed with style and lighthearted playfulness. Speaking at a conversational volume, the fly also communicates the wearer's state of mind. A zipper-fly tells of practicality and pragmatism; it's all about function. The button fly, however, expresses an air of mystery; while well-worn button-fly jeans are just as easy-on/easy-off as a zipper-fly, the buttons and that extra layer of denim function as a bit of extra security. Never in the history of button-fly jeans has anyone forgotten to entirely close the fly. The same obviously can't be said for the zipper-fly. This brings us to the stitching on the back pockets. If the belt loops and fly were having lunch together, they'd both be talking about how obnoxiously loud the back pocket stitching was being on her cell phone across the café. The back pocket stitching really says it all. It's the shape and layering of the cake to the fly's icing and the belt loops' candles. So next time you're observing someone's beautiful (or not-so-beautiful) derrière, take note of all the things those jeans say, be it the shout of the stitching or the barely-audible yet wise words of the belt loops.

Last off, jeans give you super powers. The mechanism whereby this occurs is currently a hotly contested debate amongst the world's elite jeanologists and quantum physicists. While the mechanism is not entirely understood, there can be no debate about the end result: given the right jeans, anything is possible.

Now, for only $300, you can sign up for my eight-week program that I developed from eight years shopping at denim bars across the world. It's called JENKS KWON DO!

Philly

Rode to Philly today with Don. The following things were great:

-The weather
-The ride
-The comments from the peanut gallery
-The post-ride rugelach
-The race
-The drive home conversation (especially the logo we decided on for RU-branded Cannondales)

The following things were not great:

-The Calhoun St bridge from Trenton, NJ to Morrisville, PA
-The flat tire
-'ello, guvnah!

JJ Haedo is all kinds of fast (in the US, at least). T-Mobile absolutely screwed up the leadout. Eisel was deposited at the right point (~120m to the line) however the pace was WAY too slow.

I screamed at Myerson with 6 to go in a remote section of the park and he perked his head up and looked around like a prairie dog emerging from its hole. Good times. Great oldies. 93BBF.

Intermediate Sprint (Post)

I'm tired. Hope this holds you over. Now just to break it off with a little preview of the remix:

Soon races will become a game of cat-and-mouse for me. But not cat-and-mouse in the Phill Liggett sense, more: I'm going to toy around with the field until I feel like eating them for lunch.

Yep, that's all you get for now.

Teh Awesomer Wedding

Ok, Blogger, let's have a truce for now so I can write this post.

Last Thursday, I drove to beautiful and historic Hillsborough, NC for the Monson-Younger wedding. It took 7 hours to get there but was absolutely worth it. I got to the hotel with just enough time to shower, clean up and change for that day's event: the bachelor party. We even had our own coozies that were appropriately labeled Monson's Last Day on Earth. A recounting of the evening's events in full follows:

this section edited for content and brevity
. . . had a few beers on the bus . . . had a few more beers at the first bar . . . had a few beers with dinner . . . had a few beers after dinner . . . stumbled upon an in-progress speed-dating event . . . had a few more beers . . . got kicked out of our final destination . . . observed that every inch of the bathroom EXCEPT the toilet was covered in [name withheld to protect the innocent]'s regurgitated dinner . . . passed out . . .
end edited section

We went to lunch Friday at the very tasty Bandidos in downtown historic Hillsborough, nursing hangovers and beers.

Good Mexican and tasty beers

After lunch we got prettied up and went to the gorgeous and historic Younger home for some cocktails and snacks. The house was built in the 1820s and is absolutely magnificent. I wish I had brought my camera. As the wedding party departed for the rehearsal ceremony, a few of us stayed behind to make sure the bottoms of our beers and cocktails were thoroughly dry.

The rehearsal dinner was held at yet another historic location in Hillsborough. Dinner included baked beans, chicken and BBQ (the real kind) and was delicious (as is anything that Koops has a hand in). A blues band was playing most of the evening and was really fantastic, though I must admit that the times they sounded best were when either Monson or Andy was playing the harmonica with them.

Arriving at the rehearsal dinner with three beautiful ladies

After the dinner and many inebriated speeches and toasts, the younger lot of us (not to be confused with the Younger lot of us) headed to the Wooden Nickel, a great little bar in the downtown area. To give the NJ folks a sense of space, think Clydz and then cut that in half. It was small. However, they had both Blue Moon and #9 on tap, so I was happy. All I can say is that good times were had by most.

The following day I made the 2 hour drive to Davidson to have lunch with my best friend from college and to surprise another one of our friends. You might think driving four hours just to spend an hour eating pizza and garlic knots with a couple guys is crazy. You would be wrong, with this crowd, it's worth every mile.

I got back just in time to shower and put on my best for the ceremony. Most weddings are beautiful, however, this one was exquisite. Before Koops even walked in, I could feel some tears welling up at the first few chords of Canon in D. The whole process was short but oh-so-sweet. Unfortunately, there was no flash photography allowed inside the church, so this is all you get of the ceremony:

Andy does a great job watching the door despite being quite intoxicated

I'll spare you most of the details of the reception other than that it continued in the style of the ceremony: exquisite. I got my dances out of the way quickly:

First with the bride . . .

. . . then with the groom

After the reception we all went back over to the Wooden Nickel to cap off the evening, except for the newlyweds, of course, as they had some business to attend to. I had a Drink Your Blue Moon Faster Race, losing the first heat but winning the second. Note that this is not to be confused with a chugging contest. A Drink Your Blue Moon Faster Race is F1 Series to a chugging contest's NASCAR (i.e. it's not a hillbilly activity). Good times, again. The evening was capped off with 2.5 hours of excellent conversation in an attempt to sober up before going to bed to avoid the always-dreadful long-drive-home-with-a-hangover. At 4:30, my head hit the pillow immensely satisfied.

Sunday morning came very quickly and I felt the effects of limited sleep over the previous three days (not so much hungover though . . . thanks Marth). I also had a sinking feeling in my stomach, the same one I had on my drive home from Davidson after graduation. No matter how much we argue, how much we insult, how much we glare, I always know I can count on a few people and most of those few were in attendance that weekend. This picture of Andy I snagged around 9AM on Sunday morning pretty much captures the whole weekend.

Passed out on top of the sheets in full tux, but with enough sense to remove his wallet

The weekend was simultaneously one of the best and worst of my life. Why it was one of the best is easy to see. The problem is, being one of the best made leaving on Sunday awfully difficult. It's a give-and-take, I suppose. Given the chance, though, I'd do it all over again, exactly the same way, in a heartbeat.

Now I just need more friends to get married!

Blogger is Stupid

Blogger blows it out my backside. This is the second time in a row I've lost my wedding post. What a load of crap.

Dang It!

I made an awesome and long wedding post but it got deleted when Opera crashed (or I might have accidentally hit the X . . . whatever).  I'll reformulate it on Wednesday and put it up.

In the meantime, I'm sick of being an emo bitch . . . time to get serious about racing.  Instead of bitching and moaning, I'll be doing sprint workouts 2x per week.  They won't know what hit 'em.

Je Te Déteste, Aussi

No point in having a blog (or soapbox) if you can't be whiny and bitch about inconsequential things, non?

Nothing will be taken down, nothing will be re-read and nothing will satisfy unless I say it does. Deal with it, sissies.

Je Me Déteste

The epic Somerville weekend is over. Manville, Hall of Fame, Bound Brook and Somerville have all come and gone. I got a lot of good results but can't feel much but frustration for the whole weekend.

I can come up with a lot of excuses:

Manville- suffered mightily in the heat. Had to save some for Saturday and the rest of the weekend, etc.

Hall of Fame- spent too much gas bridging, left it too late, didn't respond to the right wheel moving, etc.

Bound Brook- wasn't working for myself, in the wind too much, save some for Somerville, etc.

Somerville- sprint was messy, in the wind too much, lost my leadout to a crash, etc.

DNF, 3rd, 3rd, 4th is really quite good for the whole weekend but I'm honestly disappointed in my performance. The last two weekends have been 2nd, 26th, DNF, 3rd, 3rd, 4th. I'm going in the wrong direction. Sure, the Cat3 field at Evesham wasn't nearly as strong as the Cat3 field at Somerville, or even Hall of Fame. In the end, though, all that I will remember is that I made a small mistake here, a minor miscalculation there that kept me from a win.

The only thing I'm feeling positive about from this weekend and last is that right now I know that I don't have top form. So being there and thereabouts in each of these races certainly is motivating for when I get to Rochester and Altoona, when I should really and truly be peaking.

In the meantime, I'm going to work on my sprints, trying to bust the 1300w barrier. Rochester should be pretty good and, based on my consistent performance this weekend, I should be able to put a really solid performance in at Altoona.

Final note: by my calculation from last weekend and this weekend, I should have 24 points in the NJ Cat3 Cup which should put me very near if not at the top of the standings. As if I needed another reason to race with a target on my back . . .

TheFuriousJenksster

Redemption came in the form of a podium at the US Bicycling Hall of Fame Criterium in Somerville, NJ. It was still hot, though not the hellish inferno that was Manville yesterday.

I don't remember much other than pounding the first couple laps to string it out and cause pain and my bridging effort at the end. I like seeing the look of fear in everyone's eyes when the Green and Yellow take to the line.

I wasn't paying attention to the lap cards so when they cut a few out to accomodate the Pro race, I didn't notice. What I did notice was that with 4 to go, there was a lone breakaway with four chasing. I had been cruising at the back for a while, biding my time so had some energy and those famous "itchy feet" to propel me to and off of the front. I was amazed to look back and still have a big gap on the field after half a lap. I covered the 25 or so second gap in about two laps, leaving one and a half to recover. It wasn't quite enough as we came up the short hill to the final corner. When the first impatient break rider jumped, I wanted to latch on his wheel but couldn't. All that I could get hold of was Gabriel Lloyd's wheel, who I later easily came around (take THAT you doubters, Mark and Will, oh ye of little faiths) to take 3rd.

I'm looking forward to Somerville on Monday and hoping it comes down to a field sprint. It could end up being a lot of fun.

Disappointment

I'm really disappointed in my performance at Manville today. It was 40 laps, about 1km per lap, maybe less. So there wasn't much room or time to move up. It was also about 34°C, which I'm most definitely not used to.

But the real kicker was the deep cough I developed. Everyone who knows me knows that I hate smoking pot. The cough I had during the race was of the I-just-took-too-big-of-a-bong-rip-and-now-my-lungs-are-spasming variety. Bad, bad, bad.

Hopefully, tomorrow, Sunday and Monday will be cooler. Saturday still won't offer much room to move around, but I'll make the best of it. I need Cat3 Cup points.

Racing with rage is not a bad thing.

Prognostication

This race-filled weekend will also be a results-filled weekend. I'm counting on the rest of the Hermes/RU crew to man up and race their asses off on Friday and Sunday.

While I won't go so far as to guarantee a win on either Saturday or Monday, I will go ahead and say that you can expect at least one podium from the weekend.

That is all. Don't crash.

Caption Contest

I spotted this photo from the Circuito de Evesham P/1/2/3 race. Here are my two caption suggestions:

"What's wrong with you? Go harder!"

"Dammit those bastards are lapping me . . . again!"

What's your suggestion?

Recon

Tonight we recon'ed the courses for this weekend. The Bound Brook crit on Sunday is going to be awesome . . . filled with torn up road and manhole covers. There will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth . . . all because of me.

I did some pursuit-ish efforts of 1-3km. I like them because immediately afterwards, my legs feel massive (and you know how massive they are to begin with). Plus, I like to go fast.

Look for me at Somerville. I'll be the guy in the Cat 3 race crossing the line with his arms raised in celebration.

Circuito de Evesham Race Report -or- Tyler Wren is a Nice Guy

I lifted this from my post to the HPHermes and RU email lists, so if you've already read it there, you can skip the dashed off parts:

--
Ok, so now that I have filled my belly with a few meals since the
race, I think I have the energy to recount it.

I took last week easy because, as Todd and Andy can attest from last
Sunday, my legs really, really needed it.

The course is a two turn 1.6km (1mi for you Imperialists) loop in an
office park with exposed windy sections and a slight rise going into
the final turn. The zenith of the rise is about 500m from the line
and about 200m before the last turn. The Cat3 race was scheduled to
go 27 laps, taking the line after the Masters race had finished.
There looked to be a few promising breaks. One in particular
contained 7-8 which I had missed out on. When the gap was at about 15
seconds, I bridged. This doomed the break because, as I later found
out, I was basically racing with a target on my back. So nothing
stuck and it was gruppo compatto for the final four or five laps. On
the last lap, I was sitting at the front waiting for the wind up into
the small rise. Once we crested it, one rider punched it hard on the
left and everyone (myself included) hesitated waiting for someone to
close. The moments of hesitation proved too much and I managed a 2nd
place finish . . . hoodwinked again!

I had about an hour to kill as the 4/5 race took place so I sat on the
newly-fixed trainer keeping the legs fresh and downing a bottle of
Cytomax. I should have eaten something, but hindsight is 20/20, of
course.

The P/1/2/3 race was about 60km and featured Tyler Wren of
Colavita-Sutter Home as well as many of the top NJ 1s, 2s and 3s
including a large Northeastern Hardware crew and an equally large
Metra-Ideal Tile crew (the latter brought radios, kinda lame if you
ask me). The race was stupid fast from the whistle. A break of 3-5
had a 30 second gap about midway through and looked strong but was
eventually reeled in. At about 5 laps to go, I began to feel the lack
of food and lack of hydration in my legs. Being on the rivet for
about 90% of the time had my back and neck a bit sore, too. At some
point, two Northeastern riders got off the front (my head was buried
so I couldn't tell you when) and were able to hold it to the line. On
the last lap I found the wheel of none other than Tyler Wren himself,
though, despite sitting pretty in 5th or 6th wheel, discovered that
when I tried to make my sprint, my legs seized up. I sat up and got
out of the way, finishing 27th. Northeastern ended up going 1-2-3.

Overall, great weather and great competition made the race a spectacular choice.
--

Missing out on the Cat3 race was really disappointing. Live and learn, I suppose. The P/1/2/3 race was great fun. It really was hard all the time. I had a chance to speak to Tyler Wren afterward and I was really impressed by his genuine character and earnest interest in the goings-on of the "lowly" amateurs with whom he had raced. He was really personable and races 'cross, to boot. What's not to like about this guy? Plus, he's obviously got a massive engine but no pop for a sprint to speak of . . . a great leadout man!

This weekend is going to be lots of fun and filled with good results, I can feel it.

Politically Un-Correct

I don't like fatties.

Every morning, I eat a bagel and cream cheese with a glass of orange juice for breakfast. I ran out of orange juice and forget to go to the store to get more. So this morning I stopped at Dunkin Donuts on my way to work to get a cinnamon raisin bagel, toasted, with cream cheese and an orange juice.

After I ordered, the very large gentleman behind me placed his order:

A large coffee with two sugars and two creams.
Two everything bagels, toasted, with cream cheese.
A chocolate glazed.
A Boston cream.

You could give him the benefit of the doubt and suggest he was buying for his coworkers, too. Or maybe that was his breakfast and lunch (though, if that's the case . . . ewww!). I considered it unlikely. His order could have nearly fed me for the entire day. The obesity epidemic in the USA (and, increasingly, the rest of the Western world) is alarming and, frankly, pisses me off. Americans' inability to maintain their health results in overcrowding of clinics, overworking of staff, increasing insurance premiums, etc. and that all ends up costing ME money.

As these fat jackasses rumble past us on the road in their ExcessUVs, honking, yelling, making obscene gestures, I bet they little realize their plight. I suppose maybe deep down, they're jealous that we have the motivation to ride. Or maybe not.

Yep, I'm an asshole. So sue me.

P.S. Mark has an interesting post about body weight and body image. He's one insightful guy.

Rest

Apologies for a very delinquent post.

Last Saturday I did about four hours and felt great. On Sunday, I said, "Go" and my legs said, "No." I'm not sure if it was because I didn't eat enough on Saturday afternoon post-ride or if it's because I've been steadily building, increasing training load and riding more without a real rest since early March. Probably a combination. After barely being able to hold wheels on Sunday's two hour ride, I resolved to take it easy this week and try to peak for Somerville weekend.

With that in mind, I went to Rahway on Tuesday night with the notion of sitting in the whole time. Unfortunately, I am far too impatient to do that. However, given the ridiculously windy conditions, I didn't have to attack too much to be on the rivet. There was even a point about 30 minutes in that I was thinking I might pop. But I didn't. The final laps felt quite easy without having burned matches throughout the prior fifty minutes. I could have taken the win* easily but, in an effort to get Andy a win and go one-two, I made it closer than it could have been as I almost got beat by a late-charging guy from Somerset.

I took Wednesday completely off due to 1) needing to actually rest during the rest week 2) the road was soaked and, while I generally love riding in the rain, the 50kmh wind gusts and lightning scared me off and 3) I just washed and Pledged(R) my steed and didn't want to get it grimy again. I felt really strange just kind of sitting around on a Wednesday evening. It's not something I've done in a while. It did allow me to get to sleep by 9:30, however, which was verrrrrrry nice.

So today is Thursday which means karaoke. In the spirit of the rest week, I won't be staying out too late, though I will be getting my licks in while I still can.

Hopefully the easy past couple of days will have allowed the legs enough time to recover so I can comfortably lay the smack down on Tyler Wren on Sunday in Marlton.

*-The guy that protested the sprint last week went completely apeshit this week. What really pisses me off is that he wasn't screaming so much about the safety and liability associated with passing cars on the right but was actually mostly concerned that he wasn't involved in the sprint. Class A Douchebag. Had he been mixed up in the sprint, I'd have crushed him anyways. I can't wait until we have a free and clear sprint at Rahway so I can show him how it's really done.

Le Dopage

Doping has been in the (albeit small section of the regular part, but the most important nonetheless to me and most of my readership) news a lot recently. Basso this, Scarponi that, McQuaid breathes fire and Pound should retire. You can bet that reader letters on Cyclingnews.com are going to involve the same back-and-forth ridiculousness that unfolded last summer when Puerto broke. To save you some time from reading the weekly letters page, here is a summary of all the positions that will be taken (why you would want to be saved time when you are reading Cyclingnews.com letters page to kill time to begin with is beyond me):

The Shocked Believer:
How can riders still dope? Don't they know they'll be caught? How dumb of them. Their stupidity will surely kill the sport.

The Cynic:
If it wasn't obvious Basso was running high-octane when he stomped all over the Giro in 2006, you need to get your head out of the sand. They're all dopers. Their code of silence is killing the sport.

The Pessimist:
Bah! I've followed the sport for one hundred and eleventy years (never you mind I couldn't tell a derailleur from a musette bag before that Lance guy came along) and this is the last straw! I've had it with these frauds! I'm done with this sport, it is dead to me! (Unless any of you happen to respond to my comment, which is the only reason I was reading Cyclingnews.com a week later, in which case I'll counter with the fire of a thousand fiery serpent tongues spitting venom from the head of Medusa with some irrelevant argument about buying shoes and your feet being a little big, betch!)

The Optimist:
It's high time we had a cleansing of the peloton! This time, it's for real! Puerto will air out the sport's dirty laundry. Because Festina, the Belgian affair, Manzano, Hamilton, etc. were only minor incidents. Though the bad press will probably lead to sponsors pulling out of the sport . . . it will be dead.

The Guy With THE Solution:
Blah, blah, blah, some ridiculous idea that violates the natural rights of the riders as human beings, blah, blah, blah, some even more ridiculous idea about banning riders "under suspicion" without any credible evidence whatsoever, blah, blah, blah, or else the sport will die.

The Guy With The OTHER Solution:
Ok, so they're all on the dope. So let 'em! Never mind that the sport will turn into a more boring version of WWF wrestling, just let 'em wreck their bodies in the pursuit of financial gain and glory. Hell, while we're at it, let's start juicing kids in elementary school so they won't be disadvantaged! Or else, the sport will die.

Whatever. Who cares. Life goes on. Go outside and ride your damn bike.

Overdue

Blog post long overdue. Good night's sleep long overdue. Win* at Rahway long overdue.

*Car-related protests were lodged by sore loser sissies.

Why We Ride

First off, this is an interesting post from TreeHugger about the bicycle being the most efficient form of transportation. That is pretty amazing to me. It makes me love the bike and the bike game that much more.

The above article answers the question of why we ride for so long. The machine is just too damn efficient. I always find it amusing to see people's jaws drop when they hear I rode 100+ miles over the course of a weekend. Once you've been regularly cycling for at least a few months, the miles melt away . . . unless you're on the trainer, of course. What the TreeHugger article doesn't explain, though, is Why We Ride. (Re-read the last sentence aloud and when you reach the period, say the word, "period.")

The Bike Game is part of why we ride. There's the camaraderie, the typical bike gamer attitude and personality. There's a lot. But for me, it's something else. Unfortunately, I can't explain what that something else is. During the solo portion of my ride on Saturday, I marvelled at how beautiful and elegant the bike and riding it were. It may have been the bonk coming through, or perhaps the rush of wind, but I had some tears in my eyes for a brief moment during that ride. Unfortunately, my tears, unlike those of Chuck Norris, don't cure cancer, only diabetes (Type II only).

In the same way that cocaine is a hell of a drug, the bike makes for one hell of a game.

Boring Weekend

No racing this weekend for me. Only endurance/tempo training rides to the tune of 245km. Next weekend is Turkey Hill (if Todd takes my offer) and Colts Neck. I will try to remember to keep those races in mind this week during training but I've been feeling quite frisky lately and have had a mind to attack.

The only cure for itchy feet is to give them a scratch . . . or Tough Actin' Tinactin(TM).

Open Letter to Tooly McToolbag

First things first: go read one of the best blog posts ever.

Now, back to the subject at hand. An open letter to Tooly McToolbag:

A few weeks ago, my beautiful and kind cousin Sara Trey was walking along the peaceful Schuykill River near her dorm on Penn's campus. She was strolling along a multi-use path, taking in the sights and sounds of Spring in Philadelphia. By all accounts, she is kind, courteous and generally happy-go-lucky. She wasn't walking in the middle of the path, but very courteously to the right side.

At some point in her stroll, some douchebag with an attitude flies past her in full kit (and probably on a full carbon Madone SSSSSSL 6.66 with the Zipp 909 combo) and tears a gash in her arm the size of the Mariana Trench. As an aspiring doctor, she maintained her composure as she gushed blood but did not manage to flag down the offending loser.

So, Mr. McToolbag, what have you to say for yourself? You've given us cyclists, and specifically roadies, a bad name. As if we roadies needed more hate poured upon us. In all of your effort to fit in and be part of the now-hip cycling culture, you've called attention to yourself as an outsider, a pariah, an untouchable, a vagrant. Unfortunately, what you see of the TdF on TV does not actually happen in real life. We don't cruise around in Postal team kit, we don't toss our helmets aside on the final ascent, we don't eject our bottles once they're empty and we sure-as-shit don't hammer on multi-use paths (or roll on Shabbos)!

Get a clue, Tooly, and slow down around the pedestrians.

Side-Note

By the way, if you want to know how a bike race really should unfold or feel like, do a P/1/2/3 race. It's full gas nearly all the time! None of this silly nancy sit up once you catch the solo break. It's awesome . . . and FAST!

Weekend Race Wrap-Up

--Saturday--
The Cherry Blossom Cat 3 race (part of the NJ Cat 3 Cup schedule) sure put the 'turd' in Saturday. Craig and I showed up at the course, pro-style, at about noon. It was nice to sleep in but threw a bit of a wrench into the when/what to eat equation. We had PBJ sandwiches about 45 minutes before the start. Mistake #1.

We warmed up a bit on the roads around Branch Brook Park and took in the sights and sounds of the Cherry Blossom Festival. We headed back to the course and decided to pre-ride one lap. When we came around to the start-finish area, the lap board said '18' and the Juniors were already rolling out behind the start-finish. We had missed the start. Mistake #2.

We discreetly joined in after missing out on the first lap and had a rather boring and uneventful race. I was away with a young but strong 3D rider for a while with the biggest gap of the day, according to Craig. We got brought back because that's what happens in stupid races. With 2 laps to go, we started to set up for the finish. There's only one turn on the course so there wasn't much to separate out the rif-raff. Mistake #3 (admittedly, not my fault).

The 'sprint' wound up from about 500m out after some thorough douchebaggery committed by the Major Taylor idiots. A wall of six or seven riders formed the front as they dragged to the line. There was nowhere to go. No holes, no gaps, just stupidity. I sat up with 100m left and counted myself lucky not to have crashed.

--Sunday--
Jim set the tone for the day by riding off the front of the field in his Cat 5 race and eventually taking 2nd to some stoopid-strong Cat 2 from Guyana . . . huh?! Great job Jim.

I was pretty motivated from the frustration I had from SaTURDay, so heading into the Rahway River Park Criterium, I was pretty excited. I was looking forward to working for Mark in the 3/4 race and also to testing my mettle in the P/1/2/3. Our plan for the 3/4 was to put at least one guy in every break. I happened to bridge to what ultimately was the winning break when I saw Pluto coming back from it.

With a little over 1 lap to go, a DKNY guy made a sneaky move and rolled through the front of the break with no one responding. Everyone else in the break acted dumb and flatly refused to bring him back. Silly them, as they must not have known I could/would handily crush them in the sprint. And I did for a rather frustrating 2nd.

I had about an hour to an hour and a half between races so I snagged Dave's trainer (thanks Dave!) to keep the legs loose. It was a lot of fun to have a large crew to jaw with on the sidewalk.

Craig decided to man up and race the P/1/2/3 with me and Andy so I had some team support. The pace was pretty high from the start but I was able to be active a bit early on. When I thought the pace was hard enough but not too hard, I put in a strong attack and was quickly joined by two diesel engines and, later, a third bridged to us. After a few laps, I was suffering just sitting on the back, not taking pulls and eventually came unhitched. Too bad, it was the winning break.

Back in the field, I had good help from Craig and Andy on the final lap. Andy, a.k.a. The Derny Bike, did a great job pulling me up into position on the left. Unfortunately, another sneaky move got made and the response was on the right. I lost position quickly but was able to grab a wheel and take 3rd in the field sprint for 6th overall. It was encouraging to be sprinting around guys like they were standing still. The only two guys I didn't catch were sneaky guy and Gui Nelessen, former pro. I needed just 10 more meters to catch Gui.

Overall, I'm satisfied with the weekend. It was a rather humbling experience (but not THAT humbling) to suffer so much in the break. I was definitely out-matched, out-gunned, out-powered, out-everythinged. I'm happy I was able to hang in there (almost) with at least two former pros.

Beautiful Insanity

This is Beauty:

photo courtesy of Wikipedia.

This is Insanity:

photo courtesy of Cyclingnews.

I love the Stelvio. The Mortirolo is OK. The Zoncolan is just sick.

How to Go Fast

For Tuesday night sprint practice analysis, see previous Tuesday night sprint practice post.

--

If you want to go fast, you need to have some good fuel. Just ask any of the NHRA guys. My fuel of choice is a high-octane mixture of Gjetost, Kavli Crispbread and Rugelach.

Injury Update

I think my knee is at about 80% this morning.

I think Mark's trainer is at about 0%. I tried to spin lightly on it yesterday (my own trainer is at 0%) and it started to make some horrendous noises. But the knee felt OK.

Karma

My left knee somehow blew up today. It hurts.

A Leg Up On The Competition

Last night's karaoke was on the better side of average. Yoyoma (my mom) and Timmy (my uncle) accompanied me to the isochronal event. They had high expectations for the night as I had been prepping them for over a month, giving accounts of past sojourns to THE Harvest Moon. The performances of "our crew" did not disappoint. Others, however, should have been told to turn down the suck knob. Way down. Losers.

Anyways, back to the main topic -- me (surprised?). Big Andrew from the HP did some rap song at some point that got a bunch of folks dancing, you know, rap-style. There was some knee-bending, body-twisting, and general rub-up-against-members-of-the-opposite-sex fun. One thing you may not have noticed, had you been there, was that my own knee-bending, body-twisting and general rub-up-against-members-of-the-opposite-sex fun was actually not dancing. It was, in fact, me admiring how incredibly amazing my quads looked in my Seven jeans.

When I eventually stopped flexing, bending, twisting and rubbing, you might have thought it was because my legs were tired and sore. And you would be excused for thinking that, since most people would have sore and tired legs. Of course the true reason I stopped is that those damn Sevens are expensive and I was worried the extraordinary strength and power of my quads would rip the jeans right through at the seams. Not to mention the mass hysteria and swooning that would inevitably occur at the mere sight of my beautiful legs . . .

--

Since it looks like everyone is a sissy and won't be riding on Sunday, I think I'll cozy up to my Cycling.tv, watch the Paris-Roubaix coverage and then head out into the deluge once it finishes to give my wonderful legs a chance to go outside and play.

Sprints

Another Tuesday night. Another sprint practice. Another show of domination by yours truly.

The numbers were nothing spectacular so I won't bore you with them here.

With the notable exception of Oscar Freire, I cannot think of any sprinters who aren't cocky and flamboyant. I fit the mold quite nicely. Don't hate me because I'm flashy and sure of myself. Hate me because I'm better than you.

The Epic Easter Ride

The plan for today was to do 4 hours of endurance/tempo with Todd. As soon as we rolled out from the shop, the wind smacked us and I had a feeling we might not make it the full 4 hours. Apparently the Northeast US and Belgium decided to trade weather today. For De Ronde, blue skies and sunny with temperatures at or above 20°C. For New Jersey, partly cloudy, gusty wind and flurries with temperatures at or below 5°C.

Not thirty minutes into the ride, Harold had a flat. It was a sign of things to come. I had just started to warm up a bit from riding tempo next to Todd and, while the change was made quickly, it was enough time to cool right down. Not a mile down the road, we passed Omar and Ralf on the side of the road, also changing a flat. We decided not to stop since we all wanted to stay warm.

Andy yelled at me for pulling in the gutter and not giving anyone the benefit of the draft. Sorry guys, my bad. We were able to make it the rest of the way to the First Bridge rest stop uneventfully. Andy and Harold smartly turned home after the beating they had taken from the cold and wind.

We rolled out of the First Bridge parking lot and made about five minutes worth of progress when Todd notified us he had to stop to fix some kind of saddle/shoe/cleat/pedal combo problem. We waited another five or so minutes, getting cold. It was at this time that the already-shortened ride was in danger of becoming shorter. We pressed on to Coppermine at my behest. Coppermine was probably the highlight of the ride. Being uphill and protected by trees, it gave us a brief respite from the wind. At the top, Mark and Pluto decided to descend and head straight home along Canal while Todd, Dave K. and myself decided to take Dog Jump home. Once across the canal and into Rocky Hill, the flurries began and intensified.

As we came through the housing developments, we were about to make the left turn onto the road that follows the canal back to First Bridge when an incident occurred that pushed the ride from epic into legendary territory. Amidst the fairly heavy flurries, Dave K. lost focus for a moment when he looked behind to check for a car and realized he had overlapped his front wheel with Todd's rear wheel. I watched from a distance as Dave locked up his rear wheel, nearly righted himself, unclipped his left foot and tripodded and ultimately went down in one of the most graceful crashes I've seen. The only damage sustained was a crooked stem, which was easily remedied. It was at this point I realized that we probably should not have been riding at all today. Fate had not been on our side.

On the way home, we were still riding tempo and finally got back to the park, about three hours after leaving the shop but with only about two hours of actual riding time. It was then that I decided the ride warranted documentation.

Despite the mishaps, the ride was a solid two hour block of training and well worth it. Let's hope the weather improves for next weekend so I can put all the time and distance in I've been wanting to do.

Paying for Performance

My opinion on yesterday's Sandy Hook TT has already been stated by Don. Early in the day, when I was frozen to the bone despite wearing at least four layers of clothing, I had come to the decision that I wouldn't race. However, when I was standing out near the turn-around marshalling, I saw SO many riders going SO slow that I just had to go out and kill it.

I rode a ~7 mile TT in 17:26, more than a minute faster than I rode it last year. Of course conditions were different than last year, but I believe my time this year would have put me in the top 10 of the 4/5 category whereas last year I was probably in the bottom third of the 4/5 category. The machine known as Troy Kimball of Westwood Velo, who started one minute behind me, finished only twenty seconds ahead of me. That was satisfying. He was the 2006 NJ Pro/1/2 Road Race champion.

It's amazing what a 20 minute warmup and a 20 minute hard effort will take out of you. I was exhausted all day, dehydrated, sore and stiff. Some of that is due, however, to standing around in the cold and wind as part of the race promotion responsibilities. All in all, it was quite a good and productive day.

--

I'm watching De Ronde on Cycling.tv right now. I bought a Premium subscription last year in mid-April. At the exchange rate back then, it came out to just about $40, for a full year of access. That may sound like a lot to pay for a single channel of programming that isn't even populated with new content 24/7. It's not. The cable TV portion of my cable bill is about $50 per month. I'm pretty sure, in hours-per-dollar, I've gotten a much better deal from Cycling.tv. I highly recommend buying the subscription, I know I'll be renewing mine in about a week and a half. Plus, you get to show your support for race programming in the USA. I suppose if enough people from the USA sign up, we'll have more regular TV coverage of things like the US Open Championships on NBC yesterday (what an epic race--even my mom was impressed).

I'm looking forward to a solid four-hour tempo ride today. Should be a good way to drop one or two of those extra pounds that crept up on me the past three weeks.

The Life of a Hardman

Yesterday I was looking forward to getting out of work and getting on the bike. I had to skip riding on Tuesday because of a mini-disaster that happened at work requiring I be there from 7am to 9pm (what am I, a grad student now?).

The weather yesterday can best be described as "Belgian" with drizzly rain, strong wind and temperatures hovering around 5°C. Both Mark and Craig nancy-ed out on me . . . some 'crossers they are! So I went out for a First Bridge ride at 5:30 with the clip-on aerobars to get used to them for the TT this weekend.

How miserable! I wore my Winter shoes with wool socks but didn't wear shoe covers, neoprene toe covers or even little plastic baggies for liners. Big mistake! By the time I got to First Bridge, my feet felt (actually, there wasn't really feeling but you get the point) like bricks of ice.

I did try to warm up for the first twenty to thirty minutes but I think it was useless. I did a 15min effort once I got past the traffic circle in Bound Brook. Since I couldn't really feel my knees, I didn't realize that they were most likely protesting my workout. It was probably not a good idea to do a hard interval like that in the cold weather.

Anyways, after the ride, I made dinner while I showered (a nifty trick!), ate and went back into work in the span of about one hour. I was hoping for some chocolate fondue but it looks like that would have to wait until some other time.

I promise a more coherent and worthy post in the next couple days. I need to start writing down the ideas that come to me at work so I don't end up with crap for content like this post.