Le Dopage

Doping has been in the (albeit small section of the regular part, but the most important nonetheless to me and most of my readership) news a lot recently. Basso this, Scarponi that, McQuaid breathes fire and Pound should retire. You can bet that reader letters on Cyclingnews.com are going to involve the same back-and-forth ridiculousness that unfolded last summer when Puerto broke. To save you some time from reading the weekly letters page, here is a summary of all the positions that will be taken (why you would want to be saved time when you are reading Cyclingnews.com letters page to kill time to begin with is beyond me):

The Shocked Believer:
How can riders still dope? Don't they know they'll be caught? How dumb of them. Their stupidity will surely kill the sport.

The Cynic:
If it wasn't obvious Basso was running high-octane when he stomped all over the Giro in 2006, you need to get your head out of the sand. They're all dopers. Their code of silence is killing the sport.

The Pessimist:
Bah! I've followed the sport for one hundred and eleventy years (never you mind I couldn't tell a derailleur from a musette bag before that Lance guy came along) and this is the last straw! I've had it with these frauds! I'm done with this sport, it is dead to me! (Unless any of you happen to respond to my comment, which is the only reason I was reading Cyclingnews.com a week later, in which case I'll counter with the fire of a thousand fiery serpent tongues spitting venom from the head of Medusa with some irrelevant argument about buying shoes and your feet being a little big, betch!)

The Optimist:
It's high time we had a cleansing of the peloton! This time, it's for real! Puerto will air out the sport's dirty laundry. Because Festina, the Belgian affair, Manzano, Hamilton, etc. were only minor incidents. Though the bad press will probably lead to sponsors pulling out of the sport . . . it will be dead.

The Guy With THE Solution:
Blah, blah, blah, some ridiculous idea that violates the natural rights of the riders as human beings, blah, blah, blah, some even more ridiculous idea about banning riders "under suspicion" without any credible evidence whatsoever, blah, blah, blah, or else the sport will die.

The Guy With The OTHER Solution:
Ok, so they're all on the dope. So let 'em! Never mind that the sport will turn into a more boring version of WWF wrestling, just let 'em wreck their bodies in the pursuit of financial gain and glory. Hell, while we're at it, let's start juicing kids in elementary school so they won't be disadvantaged! Or else, the sport will die.

Whatever. Who cares. Life goes on. Go outside and ride your damn bike.