Jeans

Jeans are a very important thing, maybe even the most important thing.

First off, they are probably going to end up being the most comfortable article of clothing that you can acceptably wear in public. In this regard, it is important for jeans to break in quickly. I've bought a few pair over the years that are still stiff and crinkly after three months of solid wash and wear. That is poor jean performance. Be careful, however, when buying jeans that already feel like you've owned them for a year or so. They'll get "overbroken" and start to sag around the ankles and get wrinkles (or what women like to call age lines). What you should look for in level of break-in-ability is a firm yet supple denim that allows movement but at the same time holds all your parts together in the right ways.

Second off, jeans say many things about their wearer. However, not everything about the jeans speak at the same volume. Whispering quietly are the belt loops, bare loops tell tales of spontaneity and excitement while loops wrapped around a leather belt speak of consistency and tradition. On women's jeans, should the belt loops have the distinction of containing a necktie (coordinated to match the rest of the outfit, of course) or a scarf, listen closely because if you turn your head just right, you just might hear a touch of class and elegance juxtaposed with style and lighthearted playfulness. Speaking at a conversational volume, the fly also communicates the wearer's state of mind. A zipper-fly tells of practicality and pragmatism; it's all about function. The button fly, however, expresses an air of mystery; while well-worn button-fly jeans are just as easy-on/easy-off as a zipper-fly, the buttons and that extra layer of denim function as a bit of extra security. Never in the history of button-fly jeans has anyone forgotten to entirely close the fly. The same obviously can't be said for the zipper-fly. This brings us to the stitching on the back pockets. If the belt loops and fly were having lunch together, they'd both be talking about how obnoxiously loud the back pocket stitching was being on her cell phone across the café. The back pocket stitching really says it all. It's the shape and layering of the cake to the fly's icing and the belt loops' candles. So next time you're observing someone's beautiful (or not-so-beautiful) derrière, take note of all the things those jeans say, be it the shout of the stitching or the barely-audible yet wise words of the belt loops.

Last off, jeans give you super powers. The mechanism whereby this occurs is currently a hotly contested debate amongst the world's elite jeanologists and quantum physicists. While the mechanism is not entirely understood, there can be no debate about the end result: given the right jeans, anything is possible.

Now, for only $300, you can sign up for my eight-week program that I developed from eight years shopping at denim bars across the world. It's called JENKS KWON DO!